If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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