Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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