But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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