there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
