she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
