i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
