Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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