I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
