Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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