I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
