I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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