Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
