DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
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i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
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We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
please don't ironically join a cult
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