bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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