I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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