there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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