and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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