Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
