So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
