I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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