When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
