my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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