I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
