Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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