I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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