It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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