And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
