you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
