do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize