I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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