quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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