I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
