I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
