she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
