the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
