i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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