she looked like the before picture.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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