i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
