You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
