I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
