Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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