They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
