you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
