Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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