so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
pray to the hookup gods
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
