69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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