I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
