Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
