Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
