so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
