hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
