I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
