upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
