I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
