um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
