if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
