I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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