We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
