it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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