If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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