Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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