I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you never un-have a 4some
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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