also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
