i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
