Soap is not a condiment
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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